"The "Official" Jokes and Laughter thread

This section has been all about games, and it needs some jokes and laughter around, in my opinion =DDD So here it is: "The Official Jokes and Laughter thread".

The title says it all. Share your funny jokes, and interesting/stupid/funny incidents that happen to you (or people around you, if they don't mind).

Rules: (Read them carefully)
1. Follow the Nintendopeeps rules, and "Fun and Games" rules
2. No single-word (or two-word) only posting. (This is to avoid people going crazy) For example, don't just say "LOL" etc at another person's joke. If you must, write your own joke/funny event below it unless you’re praising All Smiles’ awesome jokes
3. No foul or offensive jokes. Y'all know what I mean by this. This is the forums for every group age, and should remain this way unless I say so LOL
4. Try not to be very serious in this thread, as this is "Fun and Games". Everyone loves a good laugh around. Come on, laugh with me
5. Apologize, please! ^^ If your joke/comment really hurt someone's feelings (for any reason whatsoever). Don't do it here, unless you're typing your own joke too.
6. Every staff member must post at least once per day – No exceptions! LoL

More rules may be added as needed. Contact your local pay-per-view provider to order now

I’m feeling a bit unimaginative right now, so I’ll leave joke-telling for you guys =P The first poster will get an awesome price, which will be decided later by me.

Chimkong

A blonde walks into a bar, what does she say?

"Ow!"

Two blondes walk into a bar -

"Ow! Ow!"

Three blondes walk into a bar -

You'd think at least one of them would have noticed it by now!


Ehehehe...and 'Skoda' car jokes are my favourite

How do you double the price of a Skoda?
-Put petrol in it =P

What do you call a skoda with one wheel?
-A wheelbarrow =)

What do you call a convertible skoda with no wheels?
-A skip!

What do you call a skoda on top of a hill?
-A miracle!

What do you call a Skoda manual?
-A bus timetable =)

Why do Skodas have two spare wheels?
-So you can cycle home xD

Why are the rear windscreens on Skodas heated?
-So you can warm your hands up while you're pushing it off the road

Hehehe, my teacher has a Skoda....oh, and to anyone who likes Skodas and dislikes blonde jokes, I am both blonde and don't even have a car, but will edit if you find these worse than I do ((:

Pirate

I hate them


lol


now, where were we...


ah yes...


How d'you get Pikachu on a bus?


Did i hear you say Poke-'im'on?




no, its shoot him in the backside with an AK47




Also, Queen jokes:


Do you think the queen pulls up her bedclothes at night and says:

"Look, I'm a Stamp!!!"

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side.=]

Lol that was funny haha

Stickied.;]

All my jokes are really rude...


Uh...


A bear, a pig and a lion were in the jungle.


The bear said "when i roar the jungle trembles"

The lion said "When i roar the jungle rumbles"





The pig said:

"When i sneeze the whole world poos itself".

Here's a quick knock knock joke:

knock knock
who's there?
no more
no more who?
no more easter bunnies, wait till next year!!

- - -

Also,my friend told me this one:

One evening, after attending the theater, two gentlemen were walking down the avenue when they observed a rather well dressed and attractive young lady walking ahead of them. One of them turned to the other and remarked, "I'd give $250.00 to spend the night with that woman."

Much to their surprise, the young lady overheard the remark, turned around, and replied, "I'll take you up on that offer."

She had a neat appearance and a pleasant voice, so after bidding his companion good night, the man accompanied the young lady to her apartment.

The following morning the man presented her with $125.00 as he prepared to leave. She demanded the rest of the money, stating "If you don't give me the other $125.00, I'll sue you for it."

He laughed, saying, "I'd like to see you get it on these grounds." Within a few days, he was surprised when he received a summons ordering his presence in court as a defendant in a lawsuit. He hurried to his lawyer and explained the details of the case.

His lawyer said, "She can't possibly get a judgment against you on such grounds, but it will be interesting to see how her case will be presented."

After the usual preliminaries, the lady's lawyer addressed the court as follows: "Your honor, my client, this lady, is the owner of a piece of property, a garden spot, surrounded by a profuse growth of shrubbery, which property she agreed to rent to the defendant for a specified length of time for the sum of $250.00. The defendant took possession of the property, used it extensively for the purposes for which it was rented, but upon evacuating the premises, he paid only $125.00, one-half of the amount agreed upon. The rent was not excessive, since it is restricted property, and we ask judgment be granted against the defendant to assure payment of the balance."

The defendant's lawyer was impressed and amused by the way his opponent

had presented the case. His defense therefore was somewhat different from the way he originally planned to present it. "Your honor," he said, "my client agrees that the lady has a fine piece of property, which he did rent such property for a time, and a degree of pleasure was derived from the transaction. However, my client found a well on the property around which he placed his own stones, sunk a shaft, and erected a pump, all labor performed personally by him. We claim these improvements to the property were sufficient to offset the unpaid amount, and that the plaintiff was adequately compensated for the rental of said property. We, therefore, ask that judgment not be granted."

The young lady's lawyer answered, "Your honor, my client agrees that the defendant did find a well on her property. However, had the defendant not known that the well existed; he would never have rented the property. Also, upon evacuating the premises, the defendant removed the stones, pulled out the shaft, and took the pump with him. In doing so, he not only dragged the equipment through the shrubbery, but left the hole much larger than it was prior to his occupancy, making the property much less desirable to others. We, therefore, ask that judgment be granted."

In the Judge's decision, he provided for two options: "Pay the $125.00 or have the equipment detached from its current location and provide it to the plaintiff for damages."

The defendant immediately wrote a check.

lol


I thought this was a forum for all ages?



Okay then,




Three women were on an island, a blonde a brunette and a ginger
it was 20 miles to other land, and they had to swim to get there.

The brunette swam 5 miles and drowned

The ginger swam 10 miles and drowned




The blonde swam 19 miles and got tired so she turned back.

^ One comment: DUMB BLONDE.
Anyways,
Rick: What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
jordan: I don't know.
Rick: Time for a new fence?

this is a joke that my sis told me about a month ago

they said that the day a black man became president would be the day pigs fly, well Obama's been in office one hundred days and swine flu.